I'm Obsessed with Pat Condell

Is it really a surprise, for those of you that know me (and are actually reading this), that my first blog post has to do with the horrifying concept of religion? Well, considering the fact that I have become downright obsessed with the Internets most famous Atheist, Pat Condell, it really shouldn't be. Late at night, at a time when I should be either sleeping or reading up on feminist idiotology for my Comparative Studies class, I often find myself youtubing Mr. Condell and listening religiously to his anti-theist rants. While I don't exactly share his atheist perspective, I do share his pessimism towards theism. Actually, I would almost consider myself an anti-theist, which is rather interesting coming from an agnostic like myself (I know, I have no balls...).

The first youtube video I watched by Pat Condell was titled, "What have I got against religion?" After watching this, I was hooked; there was no way in hell I was going to turn away from a slick talking, ball-busting, loud mouthed, in-your-face, matter-of-fact, hilariously offensive master of the English language with a smooth British accent who just so happened to say, without flinching, one of the funniest (and painfully honest) lines I have ever heard uttered in my short life:

"If you're looking at the Bible for a guide to living a compassionate, wise and humane life, well, frankly you've got more of a chance of finding a lap dancing club in Mekka or a virgin in a catholic orphanage."

If you didn't laugh at that sentence, then there is something wrong with you. Not me.

Aside from his loud, wisecracking tendencies (he is a comedian, after all), Condell has a certain subtlety in his words, a haunting honesty in his rants. He brings up important issues that we rarely see discussed in an open forum, issues that, for whatever reason, either piss off or offend those that hear his words. An example of his brutal honesty can be in another video of his, titled "The Water of Life."

"Somebody said to me recently, 'Clearly you don't understand what a person's faith actually means to them. For me,' she said, 'it's like the water of life.' And I thought, what a great phrase, the water of life, without which, of course, there can be no life. But even the water of life needs to be contained and properly managed, or it can run out of control, get into places where it doesn't belong and cause real damage. For example, if the water of life gets together with the water of other people's lives, and they form a deluge, a rushing torrent of righteous certainty that sweeps all before it, including reason, well then it's not so much the water of life anymore, is it? It's rapidly turning into the water of death, as everything in it's path is crushed- original thought, rational inquiry, free speech and their tattered remnants are strewn across the rocks of scripture and blind dogma. What's needed here, obviously, is a dam to contain this water of death, to convert it back into the water of life, and give us all a chance to switch on a light bulb in our minds. And that's where secularism comes in. It's everybody's friend, believer and non-believer alike, which I think makes it the real water of life."

These aren't words of some sinning deviant bent on tearing apart Christianity and introducing godlessness to the world. Rather, I tend to believe these are the words of a concerned man, one whose "faith" lies primarily in the human race; he is simply pissed off at the fact that they haven't rewarded his faith. And, really, who can blame him? The two of us can't be the only ones that are sick and tired of the righteous grandstanding creeps and their perverted take on sanctimony, whose vile platitudes continuously pass for wisdom, whose homophobic and downright sexist take on social issues are accepted by the majority of Americans. Certainly we aren't the only two disgusted at the way they poison the minds of this nations youth, contaminating them with theories whose creators and supporters include downright idiots like the felon Kent Hovind and closeted homosexual drug addict Ted Haggard. Does it seem right that individuals like Kent Hovind and Ted Haggard teach our children that discriminatory action against homosexuality is appropriate? Does it seem right that individuals like this pollute their minds with Young Earth Creationism, revolving around the insane theory that humans co-existed with dinosaurs? I don't think so.

(NOTE: I do not see anything wrong with homosexuality, and I do not mean to give it a negative connotation. I support gay marriage 100%. The only reason I used those words to describe Ted Haggard is because, well, it's true. For twenty some years he preached against homosexual behavior, calling it "ungodly," "disgusting," and comparing gays and lesbians to murderers and rapists. Should it really come as a surprise then that, in November of 2006, rumors surfaced about his relationships with many homosexual prostitutes as well as his addiction to crystal fucking meth? Not to me. Oh, and he admitted to these accusations, and was abruptly excommunicated and shunned by the community. Fitting.)

Maybe we are the only two that are sick and tired of bible-thumping, hatred filled Christians that continue to shove their sick version of righteousness down so many of our throats. Then again, maybe we're not.

I wanted to say a few things about kind Christians, the ones that leave me alone, the ones that actually have a TRUE sense of morality and compassion for humanity: keep it up. I have friends, some that are very close to me and whom I care about very much, that are Christian, that believe in creationism and that actually believe we co-existed with dinosaurs. Do I think they are idiots? Absolutely not; they are just wrong, that's all. :)

I grew up in a relatively conservative, Mormon (which is Christian, by the way) household, and I had the best childhood imaginable. I have loving parents that taught me to think for myself, to experience the world as it comes, and to make my own individual decisions and judgements. They helped instill a strong moral structure that remains-- and will always remain-- in my core being, and I can't thank them enough for that. I couldn't have had better parents if I were allowed to choose them, and I am beyond grateful to have them in my life. Because of their convictions and love, I belong to a close family, one that is diverse and unique in every way. Just because I may disagree with them on religion and some aspects of political theory, doesn't mean they didn't do a hell of a job raising their children. It is because of them that I am who I am, and I love being me... I wouldn't change a thing.

Now, seeing that this post was dedicated to a comrade, a teammate, a fellow human, I am going to give him the last words. Go on, Mr. Condell, preach:

"Freedom of though, freedom of speech, freedom of identity. This is my Holy Trinity, each one an intrinsic aspect of my God: Freedom, the Holiest of Holies. Yes it bloody well is. It is absolutely sacred and inviolable, beyond any negotiation or compromise, now and forever. Amen."

Amen indeed, brother.